Challenge - Day 20

These past few days have almost been a blur. Being swamped at work is one thing but finding out that my mother has breast cancer is a whole other ball game. Chances are she'll never read this blog and if she does I hope she understands me addressing the situation.

I'm scared as hell. My mom is one of my closest friends and one of the only people I know who is always positive about each and every situation. My mom is simple to please and very easy to love. She might be in her 60's but she still sings and dances around the house like a teenager. I love that about my mom. I love so many things about her I can't even begin to explain how much I look up to her. Not many get the "news" from the doctor and hurry up and head back to work to finish up the day - that right there says so much about her character.

I think about her almost all day now...I hate the waiting for the procedure then the 2 weeks wait to see just how bad it is. I HATE cancer. My mom is a fighter and I plan on being right beside her so we can hopefully soon put it behind her and behind us.

I haven't blogged as I said I would because I've been doing a lot of thinking the past little while. I am trying to figure all this out, my mom, work and everything that is going on with me personally.

I don't want what I'm thinking or feeling to come out in a negative way but the fact of the matter is I've had a lot of crappy things happen to me and I just want to put them behind me so I can - as Ruby puts it - conquer this beast.

Being fat just isn't who I am inside - I know that is a crazy statement considering I've been fat almost my entire life literally. Inside me is an athlete standing at the starting line pumped full of adrenaline just waiting for that gun to go off to just start my life already.

The great thing about the past few weeks - I've kept up with focusing on feeding my mind full of positive information regarding health and fitness. I am in love with Jillian Michael's pod casts and her books. I love people who tell it like it is and Jillian is just that.

I've been very off track with counting calories and proper food choices - I'm not going to lie. I've been down because of the news about my mom and I reverted back to eating things I shouldn't for comfort. I'm realizing more that I just have to admit I have a love / hate or unhealthy relationship with food.

Part of me wants to attend an OEA meeting but I just don't think that's for me but we'll see. I am really starting to realize that over the years I've chosen my food because for the longest time that was really the only thing I could choose in my life without drama.

I am starting to learn how much I love my parents and my family but exactly how much of an unhealthy relationship we all have. If I was to ask my father to go to the track with me all I'd hear is excuses as to why he can't and yet if I was to ask him to grill a burger for me or run and grab the family ice creams he'd be right there and happy to do it.

My family over the years has associated food with love and I am learning now that it is slowly killing us all. One thing I've learned from Jillian's pod casts is that as much as I would love to build a new kind of love relationship with my parents I don't think they are going to change. They are who they are and they are set in their ways and I have to be okay with it.

I've decided that the best thing I can do is live the healthy life I really truly want to live and in turn set the best example I can for them. Perhaps in time  they will see how much my life changes in a positive way and they too will want to jump on the healthy train with me. Regardless of if they do or do not change I will still love them with all my heart.

I know this posting is more of a serious one but I think this is what I need right now. I think this is all part of the process of accepting who I am and what I need to really be successful at my journey.

On a lighter note, I met a good friend for dinner. She is one of those perfect, barbie types - blond hair,  tanned, perfect smile...yeah one of those girls. But really, what I love about her most is that she is always positive and ready to laugh and people are instantly drawn to her not only because she is attractive but she really is a great person to be around. We had lots to catch up on - some good and some more challenging stuff to share with each other. She is someone I trust and I know I can open up to.

I really had a moment of growth tonight. As we were sharing I told her I once read that if you want to be thinner and healthier, find thinner and healthier people to associate with and observe and inquire about their habits. Look to them as examples and or role models. So tonight I began to ask and I reached out to her and asked her if she would be able to dedicate one night a week where we could go for a walk together and she promptly said - SURE! why  had I waited all this time to ask her? I thought I was going to hear excuses as I am used to. Lisa Healthy habit #1 (many more to come I'm sure) - she isn't really full of excuses why not to workout.

Thanks Lisa, you made my night.

Challenge - Day 12

Challenge - Day 11

I committed to writing an entry each and every day and I plan to follow through with that commitment. 

Today was a really rough day especially for my mom. I pray this will all be behind her very soon.

Mom I love you with all my heart and I will be with you every step of the way.

Challenge - Day 10

Well that's me... "BEFORE"....

The "AFTER" me is looking forward to so many things such as:

1) Joining a volleyball league
2) Joining a softball team (co-ed of course) ;)
3) Join a Crossfit program
4) Learn to surf
5) Learn to snowboard
6) Try Tree Top Trekking and Ziplining

And most exciting of all......Drum roll please...
7) Join a roller derby league
8) Run a 5km to try it out
9) Complete a mini triathlon!!! :)

Today was day 2 of training at work and once again ran late. I didn't make it to the track but that just means tomorrow is a perfect opportunity to make up for it. I think I'm going to challenge myself to do 7km plus do my free weights.

Tomorrow...Biggest Loser Resort countdown and my next 4 month challenge after this 30 Day Challenge is complete.

Challenge - Day 9

A little late to post before pics but I thought I'd post a pic I love and of what I hope my "after" pic looks like!

I was at the track tonight thinking about how I am starting to feel better now that I am eating better and working out more. I worked a 12 hour day and all I could think about was getting to the track to do my 5km. To me that is progress and I am proud of myself for that. I am not here for a quick fix - this time I am in it for the long run.

The hard work is paying off - I'm down 5.5 in my first week which is great but I am hoping to get some much bigger numbers once my body is used to doing far more. I'm getting there and that's all that matters.

I think tomorrow, besides posting some before pics, I should also outline some of my goals over the next few months and over the next year....stay tuned!

Challenge - Day 8

I was back on track with a vengence today and I love it! Normally after a slight mess up over a weekend it would take me a week or two to get over it and get back on track. Not today.... not this time. I'm done starting and stopping. I had a great day and was around my 1200 calories plus I did 5km at the track which burned just over 500 calories so I am off to a great start this week.

I am grateful to my bff Kelly in California for her encouraging email and to my friend Jenni who went to the track with me. Its nice to know I have them around when I really need a bit of a pick me up.

I did a bit of reading up on the weekend on exactly what I'm in for when I head to the Biggest Loser Resort in September. Basically what I am in for is 1200 calories per day and 6-7 hours of exercise that consists of group hikes in the morning, exercising classes and aqua fit classes in addition to nutrition classes and other group discussions. I can't wait and I want to get the most out of my experience - I am hoping it will be a life changing week for me.

Tomorrow - Before pics! :)

Challenge Day 6 & 7 - Weekend

This weekend was far more of a challenge then I thought it would be. I had a really great week and I thought the weekend was going to be even better. It was a busy weekend filled with lots of family time and personal things to take care of.

The one thing I learned is that I need to find strength to go the path myself. When people make the choice to eat a certain way I need to find the strength to hold my ground with the proper choices for me. The other thing I really need to work on and find strength in is to workout alone. At the end of the day I really don't have anyone to truly share this experience with and I need to be okay with it. I know I have people who love me and want the best for me but they just can't be there for me the way I need them to be and the people who could are just too far to have a direct impact in my everyday life.

I've had a chance to reflect on this week and this weekend. I know I am on the right path because my weekend wasn't a write off as it could have been - if I did 90% okay and 10% not that is about 70% better than I would have done in the past. I didn't give up when I made a mistake I am just going to carry on.

Tomorrow is a new day and a start to Challenge - week 2! I have my plan in place and I am going to test myself this week and try and challenge myself to get a little uncomfortable especially when it comes to my workouts.

Until tomorrow.